I’m on the way to the hospital with our son’s nanny. She wants to be updated on everything that has been going on- after all I haven’t seen her since the day I came home telling her to call a cab to take me to hospital because my water had broken, over 5 weeks ago. She listens and makes the appropriate supportive sounds as I feel relieved telling somebody who is not as emotionally invested. She even shares some of her own mom’s pregnancy and delivery horror stories and after two deliveries gone scary (one where she almost died), she still went on to have more kids, which is strangely comforting at the moment. I obviously know I’m not alone- not every pregnancy goes smoothly with a healthy 8 pounder at week 40 and so many moms have stories way worse than mine, it’s just when it is your story- well…it’s your story. You live it, you worry, you pray, you panic and you are thankful to share your story and hear other stories like yours. You hope and hope is a beautiful thing. Right now I am hopeful, everything seems to have taken a turn for the better and I can’t help to feel joy and some excitement in the back of my spine. I haven’t felt this good in weeks and I try to live in the moment and savor it. In this moment of hope, joy and sharing however, something happens. I barely have time to react but when I do I have time to think “after everything, this is how I will die…”
A huge, giant metal object is flying directly towards our moving vehicle, towards my side of the car. I look to my right to see if we can move lanes but cars are flying by at dangerous speeds. The car we are traveling in is swerving uncontrollably to the left as the huge object bounces not only ones but twice on the front hood of the car right in front of where I’m sitting. The noise is loud and frightening as a the car suddenly seems to take off on its own, jumping up in the air, spinning out of control for a split second, then a crunching sound, another smaller jump and another terrifying second before the car seems to like a miracle get back on track and continue moving forward. We glance at each other as we share a sigh of relief and as I look to see the ginormous metal trash can fly off to the side of the freeway, a truck stopping to keep it out of the way, I realize that we were very close to disaster. We just survived what could have been a severe accident, unharmed. I don’t know exactly what just happened but I’m pretty sure that is what is called being watched by an angel. As we share nervous laughs, not being able to talk just yet, we continue on our route to the hospital. What the H just happened? Really? What the H just happened?
Once we find our voices we both scream, our words tumbling out as we are speaking over each other, trembling over the words. I am so thankful that we are okay and that she was able to maneuver the car like such a pro. She is telling me however that she was unable to move in either direction as the trash can came flying and that there were car coming in both lanes making it impossible to steer out of the way. The huge trashcan DID hit us- twice! And somehow it avoided hitting the windshield. We then drove over it- hence the huge jump and what seemed to be flying through the air, jolting us forward and with a strange crunch as the trashcan was underneath the vehicle we were driving. This was the strangest experience ever, so scary and surreal. I can’t believe how calm my son’s nanny is as I thank her for being so cool and collected (even though she assures me that she is freaking out!) and for basically saving our lives. Again she says that it was just a lucky coincidence that the trash can (you wouldn’t believe the size of it…who drives around with that beast on their truck anyways? …Without tying it down properly…arrggg)didn’t hit us straight on or that it didn’t go through the windshield. I’m a mommy who needs to live right now, that’s how it feels, I’m needed. I never feared death like this when it was just me, when I was single and childless (I mostly felt melodramatic and sorry for my parents but not exactly scared) but now I want to be there-I want to live for my husband and children, especially for my babies (I’m sure my husband would be fine- eventually but little children are so helpless and whatever you say- they need their mamas). Well, I guess today wasn’t our day to die.
Again we exchange relieved glances, little trembling smiles. We make the exit to the hospital and I can tell she is still shaken up by the way she drives. The car is pretty banged up as well, I can’t imagined how it looks underneath. It’s odd having her drop me off after the experience we just shared, I feel like hugging her or something, instead I thank her again and feel a strange urge to get away from the car as fast as possible. I look up towards the sky and heavens above and sent another quick thank you! Thank you, thank you!!!
Right now I need to visit my little daughter in the NICU.
After what just happened I need to be near her, smell her and hear some good news. The first part of the visit does go smoothly, they are happy with her eating, breathing and weight gain but then my baby’s nurse for the day shows me how to feed her with a bottle (since we make no progress by the breast) and things make a turn for the worse again…