Our little baby is home!!!
Home where she belongs finally!
After a nerve racking car ride (how long will it feel like this?) we made it! (obviously). We let our little boy go say hello as soon as we settle into the pink guest room (our isolation chamber for the next four weeks). We have been talking about, trying to prepare him for and promised him this special moment for weeks now. But…strangely (well maybe not) he is not as excited as we imagined (let’s just say it played out sweeter and way different in my mind…but hey, what did I really expect from a still 2 not yet 3 year old who just got his mommy back, probably wanting both his parents to himself and go back to playing cars with his daddy!) “Baby hmm, no thanks! Go play cars dada!” Next it’s our rather large, goofy, clumsy but totally lovable golden retriever’s turn. She frantically tumbles in, a big fur bear leaving doggy hair everywhere, huge and awkward and full of energy. Well, the enthusiasm is there but it seems to have little to do with baby-the actual new family member-and more to do with getting to be part of what seems to be an upbeat happenings “happy, happy, happy! Happy for you! Happy WITH you guys! Thank, thank, thank you for letting me be a part of this, see I’m waging my tail because I’m so so happy and running in circles and licking you because, I love, love, love you all” But I do think she would have asked me to reconsider if I told her I had brought home another baby. A baby who will probably not appreciate licks all over, will cry excessively when being pushed over/knocked down and will take up even more of mommy’s precious time (and away from belly rubs, special treats and walks to the mail box). A baby who might grow up to be a kid who (like the first one) will chase her, pull her tail, yell/blame her for everything, try to ride her and steal her food (that last one being the worst offense) .
My mom helps our big dog leave the room after she gets stuck trying to turn around between the bed and the cradle and uncomfortably tries to back our the wrong way, … and I’m alone. Correction, WE are alone. I watch my sweet, perfect little one as she drifts of to sleep on the pink flower sheets in the handmade cradle, and I feel calm, serene and truly happy. Fast forward to night time and I’m not as happy (and definitely not calm… nowhere near serene). I’m simply too afraid to sleep-too scared to close my eyes. Nervous and worried and lonely. Baby gets feed every three hours around the clock, one bottle of breast milk that I still have to pump and one bottle of formula (did I mention that the bottles not only have to be clean but surgically clean – as in hysterically sanitized) and the lack of sleep is unreal (and I have a sneaking suspicion this is still honey moon time and that things will get worse…before they get better). I stay up all night staring at her, watching her breathe (or waking her up when I think she doesn’t; freaking us both out in the process). It feels like I have sand in my eyes and I feel jumpy and uncoordinated and just plain exhausted! My mom is as always, tremendous help!
The very next day we get to go to the doctor for a preemie/newborn/weight check. I look horrible and I probably smell. I get us ready as mom prepares some lunch, pink preemie onsie with a strawberry on the behind, check! (have to look good, healthy and well taken care of) car seat with the straps adjusted, check, beanie hat to keep tiny head warm, check! Worse with mommy though- I’m doing what I can not to look like a complete mess! Shouldn’t be too bad, I’m okay to drive again, I have mom with me and the nanny for my boy! The appointment brings a few unpleasant surprises however.