The month of January is always a little depressing. I do my best to keep the blues away. I find time for play dates, form at least one new friendship, re-discover our fine city, volunteer at my son’s school and vow to call my sister more often!
I’m always the one to buy into these “new year/new you” campaigns. I wouldn’t say I’m a fool but I’m a sucker for a clean slate, fresh start and new beginnings. Except I’m also a wuss-and change can be scary-especially if you lead a pretty fabulous life! Yes, the kids could get fewer colds and ear-infections (among other illnesses), my preemie girl could be stronger, bigger and more developed and my son could get less wild and develop the ability to listen to his mommy! But I love my life, I passionately, totally and completely love it!!!
I love when you get to be my age (really old) you really know yourself (the good and the bad) and you have (hopefully) done the best of who you are and (again, hopefully) come to terms with it. I’m lucky enough to feel settled in my career and with my family. I do what I like and what is best for my family and children and I hang out with positive people of my choosing (remember those difficult teenage and young adult years of being unsettled and fearful?). I’m of course terrified of losing myself again or of something happening that would “unsettle” my world but right now, I would say I’m the very best version of myself (given what I have to work with. And (on good days) I like myself (I don’t think that means that I’m self-centered or boosting but simply something I have been striving for and found-which is a great feeling and something that is worth working for and finding!). Of course there are moments (many) of regrets, confusion and real low points but if you truly accept who you are, you can almost move on from anything (knowing that at least you did your best with the cards that you were dealt).
So anyways, maybe my January(ies) aren’t filled with the best days (blues and colds, my period and self -doubt as well as parental doubt…) but I’m trying to make the very best of it!
I decide to cut my hair for example!
I want something completely new and fresh; “new year/new you” style! I can’t cut bangs because I’ve done it before AND husband is not a huge fan. I want to do something drastic for ones- having worn it different version of long and different shades of blond for the last like almost 20 years (wow, seriously!). The problem is (again), I’m a wuss. I don’t want to make a mistake here, I love my long blond (darker “appropriate” mommy blond and as close to my natural hair color as you can come…while still staying blond) and so does my husband. “Whatever you do; don’t go dark or short”. I would if I dared; dark AND short. What would he do? (Any fear of different versions of that answer are ridiculous). He loves me after all…but I also love him (and as we established; I’m a wuss) so that’s decided, I can’t go short and dark. Right after my “huge big deal” haircut- big deal in part because husband will stay home watching BOTH kids (I’m worried what taking my milk away for hours will do to my darling little one) and because of the daring cut I’m planning on of course- we are going to a work event. My husband’s company throws these yearly theme parties where you have to dress up (the crazier the better) but you still have to remember to stay pretty conservative. This year’s theme is (of all themes) “Christianity”. We know people who are going as priests, altar boys and the Pope or the “Angels” baseball players (baseball right?) but I want us to get original. Being from Sweden my mom (pretty clever that one) comes up with the brilliant idea of going as “Santa Lucia” (hubby gets to be my star wearing side kick…only unfortunate problem is he looks like a member of KKK). I’m looking forward to show off my “new self” wearing a beautiful Santa crown (luckily I could borrow the whole “outfit”; long white nightgown, red satin belt and crown, from someone at Swedish school) and to get a few hours without the kids! I look up new hair styles online. What are the celebrities doing (other than going short and…dark)? I discover that celebrity moms are trending with a new hairstyle that seems perfect! Not short like a “bob” but not long and boring; drumroll please- the LOB! My hairdresser ends up refusing to cut my hair that short after all. Not exactly because my long hair is beautiful, but because it would end up a tangled/curly/huge/frizzy mess if cut too short (geez, great!).
We opt for shorter than I have ever cut it since I made the huge mistake of cutting it right below my ears at 13 (who ever allowed that to happen? Yikes). Of course nobody really even notices…
Even hubby okays it; “that’s not that short…I got scared there for a second). So, okay, I’m a wuss… maybe next time I’ll actually make a huge change you know, “new year/new you style!”