“Me? Why would I be worried…?

Last Monday I had my ultrasound with a special consultation afterwards (nothing to calm your nerves like going to a specialist who requests another specialist to see me).
Mother in law was home with the kiddos.
I dreaded going but remained hopeful!

The ultrasound technician was sweet and chatty (nothing like the previous one) and talked me through the entire hour (not sure why they had to check every single limb and organ AGAIN- naturally it made me worry even more- that something else might be wrong, but I also felt grateful that they were being so meticulous).

She did make me feel comfortable under the circumstances (people forget, I think, that ultrasounds aren’t all joyous occasions and even if they are, it’s impossible not to feel a little uncomfortable with your stomach and lower parts halfway exposed, that sticky goo going everywhere, cold hands, often indifferent technicians and the worst- the unknown).

This technician was luckily far from indifferent, talking away, asking questions about my trip to Sweden, snow and global warming and my family at home!

Buut;

Here comes the next big reveal I wasn’t expecting!
I’m not certain (as I wasn’t the last time) and all I know is that I’m now even more confused!
We both discussed that (again) we didn’t want to find out the gender of our third baby. She said that it sounded great and exciting, “one of life’s last surprises” etc etc. Then she asked if my kids understood that there was another baby coming?
I told her I had a four year old and a 21 month old, and that my 4 year old certainly does (he can’t wait!!)

I do blame myself for putting her in this situation though because when she asked if the four year old was a boy or a girl, I said “boy …and he REALLY wants a baby brother”…

Her reaction was so spontaneous, direct and immediate that I almost questioned afterwards if I had heard her right. What she said was “oh no”…
But not even a split second later she said, “oh there it is…and here you can see baby’s arm…” Like she was really into the blurry black and white image on the computer screen in front of her. I didn’t dare ask, did the “oh no” mean “oh no, he will not get his wish for a baby brother”??

And we were so sure that IT was a boy in there…

Soon I had bigger things to think about since she told me that she couldn’t make the baby turn in a way so that she could assess all the organs (HER organs?). I had to take a walk, use the restroom, circle the bed- everything but jumping jacks- but nothing helped and “the little rascal” wouldn’t move “right”.
She warned me (let me tell you that WAS a warning), that this specialist would be in soon, that he was “extremely particular”, and that he would want to see everything himself (I had already been there for almost two hours). She told me to go ahead and get dressed but to expect to possibly undress again.

I dressed and waited what seemed like a long time (texting the only friend who is really interested I think, my husband and my MIL about my progress, with my mom I needed a Skype call when it was over).

When the specialist came, he flew in, almost taking down the entire door in the process. Banging it hard on the opposite wall, startling me. He seemed rushed and sweaty and he immediately yelled at me for being dressed, “why are you not on the table”. I dropped my phone in a hurry to get up on the table. He threw me a sheet not even bothering to leave the room as he had me undress from the “waist down”, while he looked at my baby’s images on the screen, forehead wrinkled. There was no other option than to awkwardly undress with the white sheet wrapped around me, throwing the bunched up pants with both my underwear (lucky turquoise ones…silly I know!) and socks inside, in the vicinity of the chair and my purse.

He gave me no privacy (but didn’t exactly look at me either- actually he hadn’t even glanced my way OR introduced himself). The sweet ultrasound technician gave me a reassuring yet apologetic look.

As he poked around my stomach, without so much as a word to me or explanation of what he was doing he yelled at the girl for not being able to see (find) the heart etc.
he was also rather rough with me and proceeded to check me “internally” without any warning (I’m also pretty sure he was mumbling “bastard” under his breath meaning the baby..?) As abruptly as he started he was apparently done, attempting to leave as he showed up dashing through the door. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t at least ask, so I used my “big girl voice” catching him before he literally ditched us…

“Should I be worried”,

and he answered …
“About what?” Looking annoyed and like I was taking up his time. Before I could answer he ran a hand through his short beard and sighed “listen all this has been discussed already” (he was referring to the talk I had had with the caring, hugging specialist doctor who assessed my last ultrasound and who had also asked this guy- who apparently was his partner- to see me today)

“worry if you want to I guess”…

Really, I mean really? I was aghast for a second but still feel like I had to ask “are YOU worried?”

“Me? Why would I be worried…?”

image

I’m very advanced- see I’m blowing bubbles 😉❤️

About jennym

A doctor of psychology and a mother of three writing about the struggles and joys and the ups and downs of motherhood, marriage, pregnancies, deliveries and her absolute love for her children in a humoristic yet down to earth weekly blog!

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