The worst day of my life …

As they roll him in, my heart almost stops…

I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. My perfect, beautiful, smart, witty, wild, energetic, slightly crazy (did I mention perfect) and sweet firstborn.

He is frightened and nervous and teary eyed, and I don’t blame him. He is old enough now to realize what is going on.

We have been waiting and dreading this day for so long.

It was mid-October when we found out, right before all the Halloween festivities…

It could have been worse of course, it could have been SO much worse…

But even if it is not the worst, this is BAD and the single hardest, most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. My heart bleeds for my son and I soo wish I could take it all on. Why did this not happen to me?

Give it to me, please just give it to me instead.

But of course that is impossible.

This is IT, this is D day-and all I can do is hope and pray that the surgeons will be successful, literally having our son’s life in their hands….

First he got really, really sick. It was summer and (unbelievably) hot but he was on the couch cold and shivering, skinny and pale. Not himself, no energy, sleeping away the days, not even interested in TV and his beloved video games.

At 104 F (40 C) for more than 3 days we (daddy since I was on bedrest after surgery) took him to the doctor who ran ALL the tests, but the fever would not stop rising…

We went back to doctors who were concerned but nothing too alarming (or life threatening-you should see what he was tested for..) was confirmed.

But the multitude of symptoms accompanied the fever had us go back to the doctor yet again…

There was talk about taking him to a hospital in LA by helicopter but luckily the test they took for that suspected illness was negative, so was Mono and pneumonia, while other bacterial infections did come back positive.

We thought that was it and the antibiotics would cure him but he just wouldn’t get well.

We’ve never seen our first born so sick…

Your mind goes to scary places…

Two strong doses of antibiotics for a total of twenty days. He finally slowly got better, thank God, but one symptom, even though better, stubbornly remained.

In the Fall, when it hadn’t resolved (and he kept complaining) we called the doctor back. Our regular pediatrician was out on vacation so he got schedule with another doctor.

Our son was back at school but pale and still complaining the afternoon I took him to his appointment.

Since the new doctor didn’t like what she saw, we were sent to a specialist the very next day…

About jennym

A doctor of psychology and a mother of four writing about the struggles and joys and the ups and downs of motherhood, marriage, pregnancies, deliveries and her absolute love for her children in a humoristic yet down to earth weekly blog!

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