Not having the “bestest” day here…

So, I had kind of a crappy Friday-you know the kind of day where everything is going wrong, and by everything, I mean absolutely everything. It’s all relative I know and these were all minor things but since my mood didn’t work in my favor (with my monthly friend coming for a visit any day) it was all “hello temper and hi there tears…”

It’s started bright and early (not when I want to start the day by the way) with my babies fighting, me yelling, them laughing and then of course as predicted someone crying (besides me).

I could feel how high my frustration was and any attempt to tame my hormonal ups and downs didn’t seem to work this particular day. Even our dog didn’t behave (poor dog… well she did chew up a beloved dinosaur as well as threw up in the guest room). I got chewed out (now I know how the defenseless dinosaur must have felt) by everyone from my 4 year old to perfect strangers. The summer hired teenager at our pool and racquet club gave me attitude saying we couldn’t put the cost of ice cream on our membership tab and that we had to pay for guests despite our guest passes-that apparently needed to be updated (and a lot of other headaches including more paperwork, fees and the registration of our baby’s birth documented in order to get added to our membership…wait what??) and then she was hesitant to give her name to me (well, yeah), “why do you need to know?” was her exact response (heavens!)

DSC_0706 DSC_0721 DSC_0726

When we went to return an item at the store (since I can no longer try ANYTHING on with these kids in tow and have been physically banned from most fitting rooms around town- long story, I have to buy and try on everything at home- hence all the returns). I was stressing (in hindsight I shouldn’t have stopped by the mall) because I had an appointment at my old school. We barely had time for a snack before I needed to rush both kids across town to sign the paperwork which means I’m officially a University professor (hep!) and get the books for my classes. My little boy wants subway, there is a line, naturally the guy helping us questions every “instruction” I give him, “yes, just cheese” “JUST cheese”, “plain, yes, yep”, “that’s right no meat”, “correct no veggies”, “yes I’m sure he does not want it toasted”, “positive”…
And when what does my son do, eats it which results in applause and a little mommy “happy dance”. But then…

He throws it all up, over his newly showered (after the pool) body and clean dinosaur shirt as well as my purse (Louis) and skirt! Perfect!!! Of course we have absolutely no time to go home and change before my appointment. We barely make it to the restroom (for a quick clean up), we still smell and we are late.

Baby is screaming her head off for milk I don’t have and refuses to go in her stroller while my boy wants another sandwich…well you get the picture… (If not you are either incredibly lucky or very very childless).

There is absolutely zero parking by the school (per usual) and when we finally get a spot we have to hike up a hill and an additional five blocks to reach it. With baby in the carrier (not a happy camper, trying desperately to pull my shirt down as I’m walking, and sweating…did anyone say cardio?) and a curious 4-year old in hand pretending he is a dinosaur (noises and all-they were apparently VERY loud, at least this particularly one).

You are not going to believe this; when we finally arrive (only a few minutes late I might add), the person I’m supposed to be meeting with is in another meeting. A meeting as in “the whole University’s staff meeting”. They are in a big conference room, we can see them through the glass doors. The guy at the front desk confuses me with a student (nothing wrong with that since I was one only a few years ago) but he is insisting that I pay for the books as I’m insisting I’m the professor trying to check the books out.

When he finally “believes” me (hey, do I not look like a University professor?!?) we are on to the next issue of it being 3:45 and I have two hungry and aggressive kiddo’s with me in the very small waiting room. Nop, nothing he can do sometimes these meetings go on forever…

After I clarify that my meeting was at 3:30 (and I have e-mails to prove it) he clarified that they close at exactly 4:00 pm and then they need everybody out!

We step outside, mainly so I can breathe and call my husband “where ARE you?” These kids need to not be with me right now (the feeling is mutual, I promise) and we are all in a bad mood as well as in a bad need of a shower/bath. Just as I’m starting to loose hope, my husband shows! Man, am I lucky to see him! But before he takes the baby she has time to (in a rebellious protesting move) squirt the entire content of a baby food pouch out all over the front side of my shirt (what a nice compliment to my vomit stained skirt).

I feel slightly “naked” and suddenly vulnerable without the baby carrier and my two kids. I run to the restroom to at least get some paper towels before I turn to run back into the school waiting room…

Babytude…

So this week we witnessed a huge moment- such monumental milestone! Our princess started walking!!! Slowly and hesitantly at first but now she is already off running.

Our sweet little baby girl has developed something else lately other than walking skills, (more and more of) a personality  (read: attitude). She is quite demanding and I’m not sure we can blame her “being just a baby anymore”. She screams loudly and throws her head back dramatically every time she doesn’t get her way…right away. It usually has to do with food, that or big brother’s toys. Everything we eat, she wants (even if it’s very “adult” food which is hard to explain to a one year old, or the dreaded “chocking hazards”). Let me rephrase that, everything, EVERYONE eats, she wants, (quite a challenge on play dates, the food court at the mall or at restaurants). She also wants all brother’s toys AND her own, that’s right, not much of a sharer yet.

Except when she wants to be! A sharer that is. Oh, then it’s a very “pleasant, getting old very fast” game, where she hands you something and you are supposed to thank her, in a very specific voice or she’ll get upset, and then hand it back to her, over and over and over again!
If big bro actually gives her the toy he was playing with and picks another, she’ll just wants his new toy, over and over, well, you get my point…

This is why it’s hard to have our little sweethearts playing together at the moment. I have to secretly admit, that my perfect, adorable, angel is at times, hmm how do I put this…annoying! Yet, it’s her brother I yell at. Well, you know he is four…and she is one.
And it’s like a switch went off in him saying “you don’t have be gentle, sister is not a fragile little baby anymore”, which might be a little true but she is still a baby and much younger than him and he can’t be rough!

Well, the thing is his roughness is not (only sometimes) mean or aggressive, we are mostly talking hugs and kisses her. Rough hugs and kisses. Running and tackling hugs and kisses. I feel like I yell all the time – NOT a nice feeling. Baby is stealing from him (food and toys-and we need this guy to eat- her not as much), pulling his hair, scratching him, biting him (oh yea, another new fun habit- can’t wait for her to bite other people’s kids!) and poking his eyes. The other day she tried poking the dog’s eye out, poor innocent retriever-she just layed there. Then I had to yell at the baby, which was quite apparent that she didn’t get or learn from (or maybe she understood me perfectly, standing there giggling).

Anther thing she is p*ssed about (sorry no other word would really explain her pretty obvious feeling) is my slowly (or pretty “fastly” actually) disappearing milk supply. She now asks for “nam nam”, which might be a clear sign she is too old for nursing anyways (hold your horses “breastfeeding fanatics! Only kidding!!..sort of) and points to a boob (what did I say, demanding!). She sucks angrily for about a minute, making grunting noises and mad facial expressions. She looks up at me accusingly for a second before she points to the other one. Then we go through the same ritual and straight into screaming, crying and hang on, here comes the biting. She hits me with her little fists, tears in her eyes and I feel quite defeated. What can I do for her? It seems my body has stopped producing milk, taken the decision to continue nursing or stop away from both of us…

I feel like I want to give this to her. It’s our special cozy bonding time. Why would I be in a rush to give it up so fast, she is growing up so quickly anyways…

I’ve tried everything these last couple of weeks from teas, to herbs, to pills to (you heard me) essential oils (rubbing, drinking, swallowing).

She is clearly not ready to give it up, she still wants the comfort and closeness, several times a day (actually she demands it), as well as before naps and “night time”.

Of course I feel like I’m not enough for her and I feel really bad as the tears come but at the same time we made well over the 1 year mark and I’m proud of that. I’m just not sure how to explain to her that mama’s milk is “running out”. She still seems to want and need it as much as ever which naturally makes me sad. There will be plenty of time for me to have my evenings to myself and maybe have date or girls night every once in a while (I’m quite eager to be honest) in the future but sadly this seems to be out of my hands.

As we struggle along worse than ever this week, big brother is taking full advantage of his summer break, camp, play dates and swim lessons…how will my mommy survive it all…?

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 419 other followers

Follow drmamma on WordPress.com
%d bloggers like this: